Recycling: Good for cans … Bad for men

My name is LG, and I admit that I have a problem.  

I am a habitual recycler.  Unfortunately, I don’t think that Al Gore or Greenpeace is going to present me with an award for this type of recycling.

I recycle exes.

What that means is that although a relationship didn’t work out in the past, I am more than happy down the road to consider a more casual arrangement.  If this happens once or twice, it’s no big deal – you probably don’t have a certifiable problem.  But in my case, I have more or less had an ex “on deck” for the past ... always. 

I didn’t realize that this was strange or unusual until my BFF pointed out that I have long-term relationships with guys that I don’t deem acceptable to be my boyfriend.

 For instance:

-     A non-lationship with one heavily tattooed waiter* lasted 3+ years

(*At least he worked at Gibson’s.  Not that I ever got to dine there, because we weren’t technically dating).

-     I casually saw “The Giant” for 3.5 years, despite him not living in Chicago & him driving me bonkers every time we hung out.  I swore each time was the last … until it finally was last summer.

-     And recently I have reignited a non-lationship with an old flame who is a little too into me.  My friends have predicted that this one will end badly.  I counter that since we aren’t really dating, there shouldn’t have to be any messy “ending” – in theory.

For those of you who wonder how my fake boyfriends might inhibit me getting a real boyfriend, I don’t really see much of a conflict.  Of course, I haven’t really had a boyfriend in a long time either… but clearly having exes waiting in the wing isn’t the issue.

Or is it?

Another Strange Occurance (aka- threesome, anyone?)

I don’t know why really weird things in the dating world always happen to me, but here's a real head-scratcher.

I was out with friends Saturday night, hanging out at Toon’s after a pub crawl.  Towards the end of the evening we were talking to a couple guys who were pretty decent.  Nothing to write home about, but passably cute.   They were going to another (lame-o) bar down the street and invited us to come along. 

Against my better judgment, I allowed my friends to talk me into following this guy & his friends to Hye Bar (eww, I know).  My friends & I grab seats at the bar, and after a few minutes this dude comes over & starts talking to me.  He is geographically undesirable (lives in Naperville) and had corn kernel teeth (that’s what I call teeth that are unusually small – fortunately they weren’t yellow like corn, but just unattractively tiny), so I had pretty much made up my mind that I wouldn’t be making out with him.

But as per usual, I found myself hanging out with him & his buddy for an unnecessary amount of time.  At one point, I got up to leave & they bought me another drink.  So I stayed – I mean, I’m not going to let a fresh drink go to waste, right?  Eventually I realized that it was unreasonably late for this 30-something, so I said my good-byes and departed the bar, after giving my digits to Suburban Boy.

The following texts transpired:

BOY 1:51 am:  Hey, it’s Brian.  Hope you got home ok.  You were a fun girl.  J

BOY 1:54 am:  John and I were hoping you’d stay and have some fun  ;)   (winky smiley face)

ME  2:03 am:  Sorry Brian, it was a good time for sure, but it was time to call it a night.  Feel free to call me sometime when ur in the city.  (I didn’t really mean this, BTW.)

Then I go to bed.  When I wake up in the morning, the following message was waiting for me:

BOY 2:37 am:  Hey, me and John want to have a threesome tonight with you.  I know you’re a good girl but let’s have some fun J

My response?  

ME  6:59 am:  Lose my number.

Seriously – what did he think would happen?  That I’d be like- Absolutely!  You & your friend should come over right now so that we can have a “good time” - despite the fact that I left you in the bar without so much as a cheek kiss? 

Now might be a good time to give up entirely & just get another cat.  Although it IS St. Patty’s Day this weekend… and then March Madness next weekend (aka- attractive men & easy conversation starter) … so maybe I’ll hang in there for a few more weeks, and then happily retire to my sweatpants & cat herding.

PS- A Follow Up from the Bad Dating Gem

Brace yourselves.  The guy who called me "Jewy" on our first date had a follow up that somehow managed to be ever creepier & more offensive then the first.

About a month after we went on our 1 and only date, I was at the Vampire Weekend concert with my friends, and this creep texted me during the show - he was there & actually standing right by my group - but rather than come over & say hi like an adult, he just kept texting me.  Once I spotted him, we gave him the slip & enjoyed the rest of the show creep-free.

He asked me out via text a few times that night and I brushed him off, citing my busy social schedule, rather than the fact that he was an anti-semitic loser.  I received the following email in my Match.com account at 8AM the next day.

Subject:  :)I didn't have your real e-mail and did not want to send you a long text. I know you are a busy lady and so am I, but I think you're really fucking sexy and i like your style. I am not looking for anything serious right now and it seems like you aren't either, so if you are interested in a casual thing I would be very interested as well. In short, I don't want to date you seriously, but i would love to role around naked with you every once in a while. It would be nice to have a friend in the neighborhood. Have a wonderful weekend!


I mean, what???? "I don't want to date you, but I would like to sleep with you?" 
What a charmer!  It's a shock that no one has snapped him up yet.  Ugh.

Mortified - Another Pathetic Diary Entry.

The following video is from my second foray into the world of Mortified.  It recaps my first Homecoming experience during my freshman year of high school, which ended up being completely traumatizing and less than romantic.
The one bright point was that I looked adorable in my black velvet strapless dress with matching black velvet choker.  I promise I will post a pic. 


Again, the storty is transcribed directly from my Precious Moments diary, written when I was 14 years old.

PS- names have been changed to protect the ... innocent?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebIQN7fAAVI